Over Again
by LiLaZnAnGeL4EvA
Summary: Sakura and Syaoran set Eriol and Tomoyo to meet... once again... Will past repeat itself?


Hi everyone! This fic is my sister's idea, and I thought it was good. So I used it, and here we go!

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS.

Summary: Sakura and Syaoran set Eriol and Tomoyo to meet… once again…

Every time I look back in the past, I remember them saying that I'm a fool. Every time I look back, I found more reasons why they're right. They say I'm just too blind to see what's in front of me. It's the same every time. I did see what's in front of me, but I'm not worth it. I'm not worth her. I don't deserve that kind of happiness. I'm always conscious of the glances she gave me when she thinks I'm not looking. I pretend not to care or notice. I can be a brilliant actor when I want to be. But life just isn't the same right now. I don't even know what I want anymore.

My mind's plagued with when we were younger. How we met, the first smile she gave me… She became an obsession. I own several works of hers. I've read all her articles. She was always good at filming and taking pictures. I'd like to think that I'm content just watching her from far away. But I'm not. I know it. I haven't even spoken to her in years. I kept contact with Sakura and Syaoran but not her. Every conversation with them, I end it with "Give her my regards," or something similar to that.

It's not surprising how they end up as. Sakura's a model used to the camera from the cardcaptoring days. Syaoran runs a dojo, teaching little kids how to defend themselves. Only I am different. Cards seemed to by the only purpose of my life. Once it's done, there's no need for me to do anything. So I end up being the owner of the proud corporation of Land of Clow. We manufacture children's toys, which is surprising due to the hidden past. Every time I think about that, I thank Kaho for taking over the role of my guardian. I'm finally rid of the bastard who they called my father. Without Kaho, I'd end up in the nearest orphanage.

That man was a horrible father. I'm glad he's gone but he took mum with him.  
**_Ring, Ring!_**

The phone startled me out of my thoughts. Shaking my head, I reached over to take the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Eriol."

"Syaoran, I've haven't heard from you in a month! How was the honeymoon?" I faked the enthusiasm.

"Excellent."

There's a large pause. Something must be up.

"Alright, let's get to the bottom of this. What's wrong?"

"Well…" Muffled sounds are heard from the background. "I know, I know! I'll tell him."

I cleared my throat rather loudly, "Well? Tell me what?"

"Sakura was planning for a little get together during next week sometime. The weekend, I think."

"Oh, ok. I'll come. What's with the whole whispering deal before?"

Another pause.

"She's going to be there."

"Then I'm afraid I'll have to decline the invitation."

"Eriol, you can't keep avoiding this forever."

"Watch me."

"Eriol…" Syaoran sighs. "I don't want to force you to come either but Sakura wants it. You haven't even talked to her for years."

"Friends do drift apart."

"But the whole issue here isn't about friendship is it?"

"…"

"Kaho agreed to make you come." Oh bloody hell. They must be serious this time if they're willing to drag Kaho into it.

"I.. I'll be there then."

"Oh good, now about the…" I tuned him out at that point. Syaoran did change a lot over the years. Sakura's influence mostly. It's like his silent curse is cured and now he likes to blab on and on about things. Thank goodness Syaoran had an effect on Sakura too. She doesn't have that incredible cheerful tone everyday.

I'm still regretting my decision to come as I watch our former fellow classmates walk around chatting away. Frankly, I'm tired from all the "Oh my god! I haven't seen you in years! How are you doing?" and the "You must tell me your phone number so we can keep in touch better." You also can't forget the "How 'bout meeting next week for so and so…" The enthusiasm is killing me because I'm dreading the confrontation between her and me.

"Eriol?" I froze up at my name. Her voice is just as gentle and soft as I remember it. I turned around to face the person I had hoped and feared to see again.

"Tomoyo…" After that, words seemed to vanish. She didn't change much. She was pretty when we were little. Now, she's stunning. Her posture shines with confidence, no longer the shy girl she once was. I stood for a good minute trying to process this in my mind when 'actor' mode slips in.

"How have you been? You look great. I haven't seen you for so long." I realize that I've been saying the same things that I heard throughout the whole evening, but it doesn't matter.

"Eriol, quit pretending." What? My mind's reeling. What happened?

"Sakura purposely set this up so we can talk." Why that little….

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Why won't you let anyone in?"

"None of your business." I winced at the sharp tone of my voice but it can't be helped. I need to end this. Just then, she takes my hand in hers.

"Please, talk to me." I can't help it. I'm weak. I give in.

"I know you had a crush on me… but you can't."

"What?! My feelings are mine alone. You can't tell me what to feel!"

"Once you know me, you won't feel that way anymore."

"How can I know you when you keep on shutting me out?!" Like that, all the emotions come rushing back.

"Because I'm a murderer!" She lets go of my hand and gives me a horrified look.

"What do you mean?"

"I killed my parents."

"Your parents died when you were little. Your dad killed your mom and committed suicide. It's not your fault."

"You weren't there. You wouldn't understand." I became lost in my memories, then I took a deep breath.

"Dad was an alcoholic that abuses mum and me. One night, he threw mum on the edge of my bed, waking me up. He was carrying a revolver and two bullets. I watched and remembered the exact bullet holes he put it in. He said that we're going to play a little Russian Roulette. Then he spun the revolver. I memorized where the bullets are going to land. He asked me who should go first. I pointed at me. He pointed the gun at my head as I close my eyes. There was a click as he pulled the trigger. Then he pointed at mum, it was one of the bullet holes with bullets in them. He shot mum. Then he points to himself. The bullets were placed one after the other. So naturally, he blew part of his head off.'' By this time, I was shaking. I didn't even dare look at Tomoyo's expression. "I made sure that I wouldn't die. But that cost both of their lives. I'm a horrible person. I'm a murderer." Tomoyo placed her hand on my shoulder.

"You can't help it. It's not your fault. You were only 5 years old."

"But I could have saved my parents." I breathed. "Instead, I wanted my own life. I killed them. I let them die."

Tears spilled out of Tomoyo's eyes. I looked down, I didn't want to see her cry. I don't want to see the pity in them. It's the natural reaction of anybody who hears my past. They think, "Aww, poor child." I heard enough of that, so I just shut everyone out instead.

"Er-Eriol, but it's really not your fault! You just… just…" Tomoyo stopped to look for the right words.

"Look, you can't even deny it! It's all my fault…" I looked up from the floor. I saw Tomoyo, and all the loneliness and sympathy inside of her. 'Pity', I thought. Tears threatened to spill out; my eyes were already wet.

"I don't need your pity!" I screamed out. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at us. Tomoyo's face flushed.

"Eriol… let's go somewhere else and talk."

"Fine." Was the short reply I gave her.

I'm sorry, it was sort of a cliffhanger, sort of not? I really ran out of ideas… I'll try to update this and some other stuff I wrote soon…

Please Review! Flames are welcome, but they hurt. ;; And, I enjoy reading your reviews. I'd like some constructive criticism, actually.


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